Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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