I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
