I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
