Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
