You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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