Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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