You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
