So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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