Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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