Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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