R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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