nut hugger
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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