Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize