Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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