i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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