Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
