shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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