I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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