Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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