oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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