Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its not stalking. its research.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize