She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
