had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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