And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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