I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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