Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
