Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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