Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
