Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
