he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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