How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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