I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
