i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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