i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
