she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
