I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
