perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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