Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
