I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's how pantless uber rides happen
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
