the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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