Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need to calm my uterus...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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