You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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