I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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