Plan B is the new Plan A
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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