So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I look better un-naked...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?