I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage