So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later