Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick