Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.