is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.