We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?