I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
