chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
