my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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