pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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