I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
