Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
