bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
