Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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