I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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