Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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