you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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