Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
